Random Thoughts on the Road Trip:The Good, Bad & Ugly

After the first night in the motel in Mobile, AL, I lay in bed feeling too scared to get up and get ready to leave for my first video interview in New Orleans.  What happened to my adventurous spirit, my dedication to capturing video stories of people of passion doing great things in their communities? Hadn’t Santiago read my Druid Tarot cards at dinner the other evening and told me that this trip would be filled with abundance, achievement and joy?

Sure, I could chalk up the anxiety to the warning light going on in my car after 6 hours on the road and the next 2 ½ hours of stressful driving before I could do something about it. I had to get out the auto manual and figure it out for myself.  I had to make the decision to turn off the air conditioning and cruise control and take the chance that the brake and coolant levels would not fall too much before I reached the city. (Yes, I had taken the car in for pre-trip preparations but unfortunately, the dealer did not check those levels and I did recheck his work.) It was beginning to dawn on me that I really was alone on this trip and had only myself to rely on.  I simply did not want to leave the safety of the motel.

I can’t say that I mustered up my courage to leave due to any notion of my grand and noble goal for the trip.  No, I got out of bed and drove off only because I knew that in New Orleans, a warm and friendly person was waiting to take me in and give me a brief home away from home. Bizzy, the sister of my childhood friend, Sandy, did, indeed, give me the shot of warmth and safety that kept me moving forward.

The fact that I was going to have to adjust to being alone did not occur to me before I left home.  I never even thought about it. I also never expected to have to worry about my car’s performance.  I thought, instead, about finding my way, being competent with the video equipment and enjoying my interviews with exciting people.  So much for my limited sense of reality.

The surprising loneliness still stays with me but knowing that I have folks at different places along the way including strangers connected to me through mutual friends helps greatly to alleviate it.  As an introvert, I actually thought I would want more alone time in motels than I have but it is turning out that the company of good folks is more desired.  As for the car, I had fluids refilled and leaks checked with the dealer in New Orleans and will have tires checked before I leave Denver due to tire pressure light coming on when I left Jackson MS.  Checking for tire leaks in Shreveport, the tire guy did not find any but another check will put my mind at rest—until the next warning light goes on.

My video interview with Delaney Martin, founder of the New Orleans Air Lift, was so good.  Her enthusiasm for her project of musical installations on a grand scale around New Orleans and her work to create new audiences for the artists there comes rushing out of her and just carries you along.  Wait until you view her describing in lush detail her favorite New Orleans dish to enjoy as a dinner while watching her video.  I swear you will head out to forage for the indigenous New Orleans melon to savor it yourself.

Before leaving Tampa, I had physical therapy to strengthen my neck muscles, which go out of alignment when I stress myself driving, causing not so enjoyable electricity going down my arms and legs.  I remember my therapist, Brook, telling me that when she read my MRI report, she thought: “This lady has one really messed up neck.”  However, her physical evaluation showed that despite the facts, this old lady is in pretty good shape but in need of on-going strengthening and stretching exercises.

I am sure that folks in the rest areas wonder what I am doing when they see me leaning on the side of my car moving my body up and down as if I am scratching my back on the car.  In fact, I am using the miraculous tennis ball in a pillow case that I drape over my back and then press against to relax the tensions in my neck and shoulders.  After particularly stressful times that occur when warning lights go on, I also do “better living through chemistry” and take a muscle relaxant before going to sleep.  So far, I have had just one trip to the chiropractor to get things properly aligned—and that is after 2,174 miles of driving.

As for my video skills, they are improving.  Not as fast as I would like, though.  My zoom in and zoom out moves will leave you wondering if you stepped on or off a speeding train.  I blew out a set of lights in Jackson when the plug in the socket slipped out while they were on—due to my not pushing it in far enough.  I actually forgot to push the record button for one of my interviews in Jackson but will fly back there after I get home to recapture it.

However, I am getting good sound and managing to keep folks within the frame 90% of the time.  I also think that due to my many years as a psychotherapist that I listen well and am asking questions that allow for the humanness of my interviewees to be revealed. For instance, when I asked Delaney to elaborate on her statement about the “many weird and colorful artists” that left New Orleans after Katrina and have not returned, her eyes filled with tears and her sadness was moving.

Except for the already mentioned mishaps, my video interviews in Jackson about the Mississippi Blues Trail are filled to the brim with pride, delight and just plain love for the Blues. There was also real honesty expressed by Senator John Horhn in Jackson, when he noted that “Mississippi heads every list about the bad things and is at the bottom of every list about the good things.” He smiled broadly, though, when recounting the state’s strong effort to build a creative economy that he says was “driven by the Blues.”

I also am continuing to heal from Brower’s death last June due to Alzheimer’s. Every now and then memories are triggered. Fortunately, the trauma of the last couple of years is ebbing and I am remembering more of the good times.  Coming up from Wichita to Denver yesterday, I thought about him and wondered if we were to meet on another trip to this planet, would our relationship be a better one.

In the early 90’s when we met and fell in love, our mutual thirst for adventure and good times connected.  Over time, though, his drive to have one “last hurrah” in the information technology world followed by its painful failure and the onset of Alzheimer’s made the stress overwhelming.   Now, though, I find his spirit whole and peaceful.  I even asked a friend with strong spiritual beliefs, if I could love his spirit more than I loved the mortal.  Her response was that the Spirit I now experience is what I saw and fell in love with when Brower was on Earth.

Yesterday, while driving, I had the satellite radio on the Sinatra channel.  We would play his music as background sometimes to our wine and conversation over dinner. I had just been musing about whether Brower and I would have a better relationship next trip around and Frank started singing “we almost made it this time, didn’t we girl?”  I knew Brower was telling me that next time it would even be better and my eyes filled with tears—not the safest way to drive.

Driving through the flat plains of Kansas, the blue sky stretches from as far as you can see on either side of you, it is almost disorienting.  I kind of felt like I would lift off in my car into the blue like E.T. did on his bike.  I passed wind turbine farms and enjoyed phone conversations with good friends, Judy and Tracy.  I looked forward to staying with Andrea and Mark’s (my daughter and husband) friends Ruth and Jim in Denver and on Monday I get to interview the ardent Darius Smith about his work as Director of the American Indian Commission—the only one codified by law in the US.

Oh yes, one more thing. For emergencies, I have buried a half gallon of rum and six pack of cokes under the floor board in the back of my Prius—just in case all hope runs out.

And so the Road Trip continues…..